Father Andrew's Hot Body Gym

September 4, 2009

Dear Crossfit,

Filed under: real talk — Tags: , , — Micah Vandegrift @ 5:09 pm

Office Olympics – Where’s my Dundee?

Hi. I have some complaints. Not like, bad complaints, but just you know, stuff that bothers me about you. Like those little tolerable quirks that make you, you. Pretty sure these complaints might be echoed by others that you have met in the past, but they are just starting to get to me, so for the sake of honesty, I’m just gonna lay em out, ok?

I don’t typically wake up in cold sweats these days, but the other night that’s just what happened. What was on my mind, you ask? Exactly this thought: “Dear lord, I have somehow become a health/fitness nut overnight!” I totally didn’t see this coming. I mean, sure I like doing this stuff as a hobby because it’s totally “en vogue” right now and whatever, but I never expected it to take me as it has. I knew there was a problem when asked how I would like to structure my work schedule at my new job, my first thought was, “How much time do I need in the morning to get a good workout in… and recover?” And, seriously, what kind of weirdo actually plans their Labor Day weekend around how many workouts can be fit in? Well, me. I’m that weirdo. Thanks to you (and the myriad of Crossfit/health bloggers out there) and my dear friends at FAHBG, I have a timer on my computer that goes off every 20 minutes, and on that mark I do “office L-sits” (see photo), to develop my core and gymnastic skills.

And this is the real beef, Crossfit. I guess I should be thankful and all, but comon. I seriously can’t wear half of my clothes anymore. All this ridiculous lean muscle is showing up, and my favorite Banana Republic button downs (totally a clearence buy!) are stretching at the seams. Maybe my dream of being a skinny indie kid is forever gone, and my extra small American Apparell V-neck tees will go the way of the buffalo. Thanks to you I am midway between belt holes and it is incredibly annoying – “Should I let my pants fall off, or hike em up and squeeze the belt above my hips?” Needless to say, I gotta buy some more duds, and to be clear, I’m not happy about it. I mean who really “likes” to have clothes that look great because they fit in the right places? So, they way I see it, you owe me like $300 for a new wardrobe that probably won’t fit in another year. Yes, I take Paypal.

Lastly, and this one really pisses me off… whose idea was it to place such a premium on health and diet? Could you please make it more complicated? Good fats? Protein? No grains? Oh sure, easy for you to say, Mr. I-don’t-even-like-it-anyways. I’ll tell you this, looking down the barrell of a $5 footlong from Subway is still my favorite midday activity, but do I indulge? Noooo. Gotta keep the faith. Press on. Be committed. blah blah blah.

And you know what really busts my bubble Crossfit? I feel great. I get lots of good sleep. I lost that “5 month preggo” belly that everyone seems convinced that I had (yea right. Me? Never). I sweat 4-5 days a week pushing big weights for the sake of my own health and well-being. I think clearer. I smile and laugh more. I get checked out (JK abby!). I sit up straight and concern myself with my posture. And I like it.

So, I guess my only complaint is really this… how do I, as an individual who cares deeply about living well, healthy and strong, talk about this lifestyle without being “preachy” to my friends who are overweight, careless or flippant about their habits? Because that really bothers me these days.

Hopelessly devoted and sincerely yours,

Micah L. Vandegrift


  1. You forgot to whine about how your skin has a glow now that it didn't have before. Stupid diet and exercise!

    Comment by Abby — September 4, 2009 @ 7:01 pm

  2. That timer idea is AWESOME!! I need to do push-ups between every class period, I think.

    I second the wardrobe $ issue. I'm actually trying not to lose any more fat because I can't afford any more new clothes!!! I already just had to put about 5 pair of pants on the back shelf of the closet, resigned to pregnancy or other fat-gain wearage. And I am giving about 5 more away. I bought a new pair the other day, and I realized how sloppy I've been looking with all my baggy, hanging-off clothes! But I'm telling you, Micah, GOODWILL. On Monday's shirts are $2. Last Monday I got Josh two brand new looking shirts from the Gap and some other good brand. I had to pass up a crisp Banana Republic shirt because it was too small for him. There were also Land's End Wrinkle Free shirts, Jos A Banks, and others. I keep telling you, but I'll say it again: Goodwill is God's gift to expanding or shrinking CrossFitters who would rather spend their money on free-range beef and bumper plates!!!

    Comment by Maravilla — September 4, 2009 @ 8:12 pm

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