Father Andrew's Hot Body Gym

September 4, 2009

Dear Crossfit,

Filed under: real talk — Tags: , , — Micah Vandegrift @ 5:09 pm

Office Olympics – Where’s my Dundee?

Hi. I have some complaints. Not like, bad complaints, but just you know, stuff that bothers me about you. Like those little tolerable quirks that make you, you. Pretty sure these complaints might be echoed by others that you have met in the past, but they are just starting to get to me, so for the sake of honesty, I’m just gonna lay em out, ok?

I don’t typically wake up in cold sweats these days, but the other night that’s just what happened. What was on my mind, you ask? Exactly this thought: “Dear lord, I have somehow become a health/fitness nut overnight!” I totally didn’t see this coming. I mean, sure I like doing this stuff as a hobby because it’s totally “en vogue” right now and whatever, but I never expected it to take me as it has. I knew there was a problem when asked how I would like to structure my work schedule at my new job, my first thought was, “How much time do I need in the morning to get a good workout in… and recover?” And, seriously, what kind of weirdo actually plans their Labor Day weekend around how many workouts can be fit in? Well, me. I’m that weirdo. Thanks to you (and the myriad of Crossfit/health bloggers out there) and my dear friends at FAHBG, I have a timer on my computer that goes off every 20 minutes, and on that mark I do “office L-sits” (see photo), to develop my core and gymnastic skills.

And this is the real beef, Crossfit. I guess I should be thankful and all, but comon. I seriously can’t wear half of my clothes anymore. All this ridiculous lean muscle is showing up, and my favorite Banana Republic button downs (totally a clearence buy!) are stretching at the seams. Maybe my dream of being a skinny indie kid is forever gone, and my extra small American Apparell V-neck tees will go the way of the buffalo. Thanks to you I am midway between belt holes and it is incredibly annoying – “Should I let my pants fall off, or hike em up and squeeze the belt above my hips?” Needless to say, I gotta buy some more duds, and to be clear, I’m not happy about it. I mean who really “likes” to have clothes that look great because they fit in the right places? So, they way I see it, you owe me like $300 for a new wardrobe that probably won’t fit in another year. Yes, I take Paypal.

Lastly, and this one really pisses me off… whose idea was it to place such a premium on health and diet? Could you please make it more complicated? Good fats? Protein? No grains? Oh sure, easy for you to say, Mr. I-don’t-even-like-it-anyways. I’ll tell you this, looking down the barrell of a $5 footlong from Subway is still my favorite midday activity, but do I indulge? Noooo. Gotta keep the faith. Press on. Be committed. blah blah blah.

And you know what really busts my bubble Crossfit? I feel great. I get lots of good sleep. I lost that “5 month preggo” belly that everyone seems convinced that I had (yea right. Me? Never). I sweat 4-5 days a week pushing big weights for the sake of my own health and well-being. I think clearer. I smile and laugh more. I get checked out (JK abby!). I sit up straight and concern myself with my posture. And I like it.

So, I guess my only complaint is really this… how do I, as an individual who cares deeply about living well, healthy and strong, talk about this lifestyle without being “preachy” to my friends who are overweight, careless or flippant about their habits? Because that really bothers me these days.

Hopelessly devoted and sincerely yours,

Micah L. Vandegrift


June 26, 2009

Dear Crossfit,

Filed under: random, real talk — Tags: , , , — Micah Vandegrift @ 11:17 pm

<——– Before

Remember when we first met? I think it was last summer, when Abby and I were on vacation in North Carolina. I was appalled that people would flagellate themselves like this regularly and enjoy it. But Nate and Thera were so excited about you, I figured it was worth a shot. Good for me, Josh had met you too and was interested in trying it out.

I pretty much hated you last summer. Josh was cool and all, but most of the time I just felt like a loser around you. You were always so forceful and intimidating, asking so much and giving so little. My memories of you were mostly breathless, stomach in knots, and thinking about how torture didn’t sound too bad. The Florida heat didn’t help much either.

Our breakup was bittersweet in the Fall. I was busy with school, you were still so demanding and so darn stubborn. I’d like to say I missed you that winter, but it wouldn’t be true. I still thought about you, wondered how you were, what horrid consequences you were raining on your devotees, and what new methods of pain you came up with. I’d like to say also that I was in some way faithful to your memory, but that’d also be a lie. I had many mistresses in our time apart… TV, fast food, 15 lbs extra, and generally heading down a rotten path. I used school as an excuse, and a semi-valid one, but forsaking my health to that extent was just plain bad judgment.

Your siren call caught me again when I looked in the mirror one day. Not even at my body, but I looked into my own eyes and realized, “I am better than this. I have priorities and goals and ambition. My lifestyle should reflect that.” I had been watching your affair with Josh, harboring just a little jealousy, and it sobered me quickly. Luckily, I had a few great friends around who were in the same place. The hardest thing was and is setting my mind on the goal, and not the process. But, you, in your frustratingly difficult way, push and prod. Only this time it feels more like a romance and less like a chore. One and a half months later, I am in process of totally altering my eating habits, investing time and money in freaking FITNESS EQUIPMENT, and gaining control of my body/mind while not letting food/laziness control me.

So, Crossfit, we still have to see what the future holds. You promise a lot, you know. I’ve watched the videos. But, I think I can say, I look forward to it. We have a lot more in common now, and I, in a wierd way, enjoy your company a little more than I hate it. Don’t give up on me.


Micah Lee Vandegrift

<——- After

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